but we humans like to use it for too much

fear is an essential instinct that keeps us alive

but we humans like to use it for too much (i second guessed this sentence because it doesn't make complete sence sense and I was scared of what you would think, so I'm keeping it.)

I'm scared I won't be asked to prom
I'm scared I will be called state side for my mission
I'm scared I am making the wrong choices for my future
I'm scared I will become fat
I'm scared I will turn out like my mom
I'm scared I won't turn out like my mom
I'm scared I won't be happy
I'm scared I am not being a good sister or daughter

yet none of this is really life threatening

and I'm still scared

my dad always told me when I was growing up (which i still am),
"Don't care what people think, they're just worried/thinking about themselves."

easier done than said

symbolic robotic

when i write it's like i am writting writing for myself

i don't know how to do this the "cool way"

but i am trying

that makes me human

mistake after mistake, but thats okay

im late on this post and the one before, but thats okay

im a senior right? yolo?

but i still care

it bugs the crap out of me if my grades arnt't aren't perfect

why? who knows

my brother says im crazy and homework is a waste of time

maybe

maybe not

i care what you think

but most of you won't read this anyways

i want validation

and i hate that i do

thats the hardest part about being human

sometimes i consider being a robot

but robots are boring

shutting down now...

34%

56%

87%

99%

GOODBYE!

Let's get to know each other #stolen

What is your Dream Job?
-I can't tell you cause it would give me away...

What is your biggest pet peeve?
- When people don't "clear" the microwave after their done, so I can't read the time.

Who do you look up to the most? Why?
- My grandma, because she always sees the positives in the most negative situations.

Where do you want to live when you settle down?
-California

If you could do anything RIGHT NOW what would you do?
-Go out to lunch with my best friend.

Please Comment Below, let's get to know each other

When I was a kid

When I was a kid my worst fear was school
When I was a kid my favorite thing to do was hang out with my best friends
When I was a kid I hated homework
When I was a kid my favorite color was pink 
When I was a kid my favorite store was Ambercrombie & Fitch and I didn't know how to spell it
When I was a kid spelling was my worst subject
When I was a kid my favorite breakfast was Swedish pancakes
When I was a kid I loved vanilla scented lotion
When I was a kid my favorite books were the Twilight series 
When I was a kid I loved taking pictures
When I was a kid art was my favorite subject, but I hated crayons because they always broke
When I was a kid I believed in the tooth fairy 
When I was a kid I trusted my parents with almost everything 
When I was a kid my parents knew what was best for me
When I was a kid I lied
When I was a kid I wanted to be like Olivia Lawrence
When I was a kid "I Promise" was just a way to make me go away temporarily 
When I was a kid I would swim in the pool like a mermaid
When I was a kid I didn't understand squidward
When I was a kid I would pray to God asking to give me the ability to fly
When I was a kid I was afraid of boys
When I was a kid I hated the word "no"
When I was a kid I didn't know how to ask for help
When I was a kid I was afraid of being wrong
When I was a kid I was determined to beat the boys at any competition
When I was a kid I thought I had the world all figured out

Only some things have changed

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PRETTY MUCH HOW MY BRAIN FEELS RIGHT NOW...

What I learned from being denied by BYU

I was chilling with my friends and enjoying my Friday night, when people started talking about getting into BYU Provo, which wasn't expected for another week.

My Heart was jumping out of my chest

I couldn't log into my account fast enough

My closest friend opened hers and cheered in relief and excitement as she found she was accepted
Another opened his and sighed with relief that he wasn't accepted
and another opened hers to find she was accepted, but politely declined the offer

As people started to chat about other things I finally logged in and after checking that no one was watching for my reaction

I checked my application status

DENIED, it read

and I reread it multiple times, shocked and confused

Embarrassed and Angry, tears fell on my hands quietly

My best friend turned around and shock spread across her face when she saw my tears
"How is this possible? We had almost identical applications?!" She looked at me with concern.

And that was it

I went home with the supportive thoughts and comments from my friends

And then I cried myself to sleep

When I got home my parents were asleep and I knew if I woke them up they would just want to tell me "Everything will be okay" a million times and then thrust a plan for the future at me

So I just went to bed

I woke up to them walking in my room with those same concerned faces everybody seemed to be wearing for me lately. 

After having the conversation I had expected, my dad offered that we go to kneaders for breakfast and I said yes, because what else do you do when your parents offer you a pity breakfast.

This experience seemed like there was no positive outcome
but I had a lot of time to think

BYU isn't the celestial kingdom

If you weren't "accepted" that doesn't mean your not accepted by God or anyone else around you.
It doesn't mean you were not good enough or smart enough
It doesn't mean theres no other options just as good or better.
It doesn't mean everyone else that got accepted is better than you

It just means God has a different plan for you, even if that just means you have to try try again.
It just means you might be needed somewhere else or at a different time
Or it just means you need to learn something from this experience.

Feeling extremely discouraged I just wanted to forget about BYU, but I realized
I realized I couldn't do that.

I desperately wanted to take the denied letter personally

I wanted to spit in there face and say "Whatever, your missing out on an awesome person and I didn't want to go to your stupid school anyways."

But I knew that would be lying to myself.

I couldn't just give up, even though that would be much easier.

I decided I would be Proud Of Myself and take this experience and use it to build my own character and keep trying

I decided I would be happy for my friends and celebrate with them,

Celebrate LIFE
Celebrate our Hard Work
Celebrate our Friendship
Our Futures
Our Trials
Our Accomplishments

It's all how you look at a situation
It's all how you react to a situation
Good or Bad

I Build This Wall Brick By Brick

I build this wall brick by brick

mixing my tears and happy memories with the concrete mixture

putting on lotion because you left my hands dry and cracked

wishing they never had to be surrounded by yours

frustrated because the lines will never be clean and straight

tired because building this wall is breaking me down

it's blocking the sun from my eyes and now it's getting cold

I build this wall brick by brick

making some of the bricks stick out so when I need to

I can climb over

and never look back

but I forget that I hid secret messages in the bricks

Then twenty years later I need to resolve them

So I tear this wall down

Brick by Brick